Dating a woman with depression Kawneer xxx
Prehistoric Crazy-Bus Death Ride was just smashing a toy bus full of dinosaurs into the wall while feeling sort of bored and unfulfilled.I could no longer connect to my toys in a way that allowed me to participate in the experience.I played out all the same story lines that had been fun before, but the meaning had disappeared.Horse's Big Space Adventure transformed into holding a plastic horse in the air, hoping it would somehow be enjoyable for me.I remember being endlessly entertained by the adventures of my toys.Some days they died repeated, violent deaths, other days they traveled to space or discussed my swim lessons and how I absolutely should be allowed in the deep end of the pool, especially since I was such a talented doggy-paddler.Cognitively, you might know that different things are happening to you, but they don't feel very different.I had always wanted to not give a fuck about anything.
But as I grew older, it became harder and harder to access that expansive imaginary space that made my toys fun.
I remember looking at them and feeling sort of frustrated and confused that things weren't the same.
Depression feels almost exactly like that, except about everything.
At first, though, the invulnerability that accompanied the detachment was exhilarating.
At least as exhilarating as something can be without involving real emotions.
The beginning of my depression had been nothing but feelings, so the emotional deadening that followed was a welcome relief.